so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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