Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
