talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
