I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
