Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
