I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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