Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
