I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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