Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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