my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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