We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
