i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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