definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Be still, my beating vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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