God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm really busy with my period
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