she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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