I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
