Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
