Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
