but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize