i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
