the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
