totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
