I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
