Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
