Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
