Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
