yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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