Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
