Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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