So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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