I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life is so much better after having sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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