Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
