His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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