i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are a genius and a whore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
