i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
