I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She even gives head with a lisp.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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