i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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