ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
