hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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