I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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