I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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