He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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