so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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