At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
