don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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