Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
