If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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