I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so let's talk penis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
