I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
