I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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