Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize