That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
