Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
