On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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