I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
