Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
