my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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