my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
