3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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