hotel room ftw
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
