My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize