you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
