Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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