So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
