when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
FUCK WHALES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
