still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
