Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
