Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
