I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
