THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
