it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We're facebook friends in real life
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
