i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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