Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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