I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
