why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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