I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
