Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
