I've blown a few things in my day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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