The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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