6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
