I look better un-naked...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
